Holiday Blues

The holiday season is a season of tradition and being jolly and making sure you got the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, getting all your gifts together and getting to your aunts’ sala on time for Noche Buena, or making it to so and so’s house on time to see the ball drop.

For many of us, though, this time of the year can be dreadful. I feel like this is especially true as you get older and certain things happen in life that can make the holiday season rough.

Everyone is expected to be happy and excited about the holidays, nobody wants to be deemed the scrooge or the grinch of the group.

There are a ton of reasons why some of us don’t get excited for Thanksgiving, Christmas or for New Year’s and if you have a friend in your circle that falls into that category…be mindful before joking on them or making them feel bad that they aren’t as excited as you.

Here’s my story:

When I moved back to the U.S. from Panama, my parents had moved from Brooklyn to the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania (lol). My grandmother passed away in 2012 and Christmas was our favorite holiday. She was my neighbor in Pennsylvania and when I arrived from Panama she basically adopted me as her grandkid and well, she was the best. She used to teach in the Bronx and was old school Italian, so different from what I was used to and what I grew up with.

We would bake our annual Christmas cookies and gift them out to everyone, we’d listen to Frank Sinatra and Michael Bublé while we’d make our dough and our mixes and our special icing. I did this through my teenage years, I was NEVER “too old” to do any of it.

When she passed away, I felt like those traditions went with her. I have all of her cookie recipes and I’ve never baked those cookies since. I didn’t enjoy decorating anymore and I didn’t enjoy Christmas the way I did when she was around. I never really dealt with her death, the proper way, so naturally, anything that reminded me of her I would shut out.

For 7 years I avoided all things Christmas. I wouldn’t ask for presents or tell anyone I wanted anything, I’d drag my feet to decorate with my family.. Thinking back on it, it makes me sad that I did that to myself. But I am human and I am allowed to feel things and go through the motions as I see fit.

After a couple of years of being back in NYC, my holiday spirit slowly started to come back. I was around a lot more of my family and formed important, loving friendships.

I try to do small things on my own that can get me into that joyful mood but I do not force it on myself, if I’m not feeling it then I’m just not.

There are other reasons why the holidays have been rough for me in the past..feeling shameful that I wasn’t able to afford the gifts that I felt my family and loved ones were deserving of, feeling like I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life (that’s just a downer allll by itself), not having all of my family together, my traditions not being there anymore….so many reasons.

All in all…

Everyone has a different story and everyone has different reasons why they don’t celebrate through the holiday season, or why they may not be the most joyful.

Some people aren’t that close to their families, some may not have families around anymore, others may have gone through something traumatic or sad. There are people that don’t enjoy the holiday season because they can’t afford to spoil their loved ones with gifts. There are just so many reasons. You NEVER know, so before you open your mouth to tell someone to “get into the holiday spirit” or “you’re such a scrooge” just be mindful of who you’re saying it to and why you feel the need to say it.

Between social media glamorizing EVERYTHING, family putting pressure on you, and just life happening, it can be a really hard time for some people.

The holidays aren’t about the gifts you give or get, it’s not about spending insane amounts of money and it’s not about social media gratification. It’s about family and friends, it’s about being thankful for the things you do have in life and enjoying the moments you have today with the people you’re around.

I hope everyone does have a happy holiday and if you find that you’re struggling to feel happy, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not alone in feeling that way.

Does anyone else go through the holiday blues? What do you guys do to get yourself into the spirit? Comment below with some suggestions :)